Rare is the rarity we wish we could pawn, that lonely gal with hungry pockets prowling 'round lampposts and cajoling the loveless into what is so good it's sinful.  Yes, every man wishes he could receive quite a different direct deposit - one from his payer to every guilty Thursday's paid third party (we won’t mention for what).  Some may bow murmurs and chants before their "Heaven aboves" to rid themselves of nitpicking ethics and morality mood swings.  "Bring us Satan's culprit!," we shout, "it keeps those frosty eves at bay and warms us!"  This vixen, this Siren’s Song troubadour who sensible fans hate to love and love to give pass, to has reopened her corner and donned fishnet again.  Rejoice!  Our souls have been refunded for this second coming; we shall sell again!  This virtual commodity of spec'sual appeal has caught eye - well, both eyes - for Rare hasn't lost its leg or robust suit of attractive assets.  It returns with a trick that once broke the books and expectations, one we'll shamelessly take to alleys and illicit bankruptcy for.  It all comes from when a bear and a bird like each other...  No no, it's not going in that direction, but one we'll all take equal interest in.

          *Stage cues*  Sharpen banjo.  Palm kazoo.  We have an intro song to launch, folks.  You heard correctly, and no, that is not the sound of Deliverence tooting horn.  November of 2008 shall have problematic, unintelligibly "Grunt"ing addicts licking their simulated forks for bear blood and bird beak to spur an interactive feast to come.  Beast trackers and hunters alike, spruce 'n spit-shine your utensils (all three forks, for this entrée is fancy) for familiar game clutters yon menu.  Rare has prepared a new restaurant favorite in the midst this digital meal ticket mumbo jumbo.  When you sidle up to your awaited Banjo-Kazooie buffet, expect not to snuff aromas of ole Grunty "riding on a broomstick, thumbing for a hitch."  Predict neither “been there, done that’s” from the protagonists' hoofing it around puzzle-piece plights, nor expect snout to snout KO's and castletop punchouts like the original’s finale.  Both bear and bird shall be hitting the pavement sporting wheels, rudders, propellers, and chutes, rather than paw pad and claw.  The last two games' formula of beating the platforming path shall be broken, nixed, nerfed – a new industrial gameplay direction reins over nostalgia!  Correct, our favorite Feather ‘n Fur have passed the written and parallel parked; old  transportive methods have expired and reinvented themselves in this thumbbuster quest.  Rare chooses to replace customary control schemes with customization in this newest machinist’s boon.

          Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts shrugs the player into cockpit, ignites anticipant engines, notches key into dash, and exhibits a most torrential exhaust of unleaded-fueled, all-terrain spelunking.  Players take advantage of their own mechanical intuition to thwart Gruntilda once again.  Burning rubber (or in this case, wood or synthetics) has never felt more satisfying.

THE DUO'S TALE

          Instead of locking euphemistic lips with Gruntilda, Brentilda, or however many 'ildas they can snog in a single storyline, this bipedal couple now competes for Spiral Mountain's provocative pink slip.  Indeed, Mister and Missus Tooth and Talon invariably get to play bloody knuckles with Grunty for their own local real estate.  Only through genius Pimp My Ride ploy follow-throughs, Fear Factor automotive stunts, and aviatic/locomotive artistry reminiscent of Kazooie's snowmen dive-sniping may these bruise brothers stick it to the challenges involved for ownership.  However, a familiar hag of a bulbous proportions sticks warty nose into them and their deed's marriage.  Our Hero-Heroine fellowship must dust off their hung-up, softened knuckles, wipe a brow, and resaddle the famed reliable backpack to drive the witch's schnozz to the dirt again.

THE GOODUN'S

          Lucky enthusiasts get to brow-beat opponents into submission in the Xbox LIVE's multiplayer.  Alternatively, cooperative play presents an enticingly frugal price ratio of gameplay loss to gameplay gained - no same-screen split involved and you can thug the campaign with brutal partnered ease.  A rerelease of the original Banjo-Kazooie approaches the Xbox's LIVE Arcade nirvana with carrots dangling at the end of the Nuts and Bolts stick.  Complete N&B for virtual sugar cube-esque karma in the original title (a reward of some sort); the proposed features remain undisclosed, however.  Don't forget that with this title you get to brush 'stache atop your lip and roleplay a Wright, tricking out your own Titanic/Model T/Air Force One endeavors.  Think of Nuts and Bolts as your newest Erector Set upgrade... one that’s been pumping iron.  Overall it’ll be a bouncing good time for knee-bouncers and gaffers alike.  Remember to inspect the related media goods here for all your visual needs and poke a mum for an Xbox if you haven’t one, for that’s all it’s coming out on!  And to likeminded Rare clientele: the legacy lives!